


For You, I'll Try

by sratsome_jack



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:42:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27584938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sratsome_jack/pseuds/sratsome_jack
Summary: Rhiannon Lavellan's life was changed forever after the conclave, separating her from everything she had ever known. But maybe when the creators close one door, they open another.(Expanded Cullen/Lavellan romance. I do not claim any of the dialogue from the game)
Relationships: Female Lavellan/Cullen Rutherford
Kudos: 8





	1. Crushing on Shemlen

So much was happening. Rhiannon Lavellan’s life had been altered beyond recognition in less than a week. All because the keeper had told her to go to that damn conclave. Did the keeper know this would happen? Had she foreseen it? There were a thousand questions going through Rhiannon’s mind as she sat perched on the stone ledge in the Chantry courtyard, staring up at the clear skies of the Frostback Mountains.

Within a matter of days, she had gone from prisoner of the Chantry to the Herald of Andraste. A figurehead for a prophet she didn’t even worship. Somehow, she had ended up joining this Inquisition. It was a decision she had made hastily but it seemed like the right thing to do. Clearly the world was at stake, and Rhiannon might be the only person who could save it, whether she wanted to be or not.

As if all of this wasn’t enough, she was catching feelings. She couldn’t stop thinking about when their eyes locked. His voice, his face, it was as if she was a girl again. She had always had a thing for attractive Shemlen men, something that her friends in the clan had made fun of her for many times. But why now, of all times, did her weird taste in men have to come up? Commander Cullen. Her heart had skipped a beat when Cassandra introduced him. He seemed so unattainable standing across the table as a high ranking officer of the Inquisition. There was no way that a Shemlen military commander who was previously a Templar would be interested in a Dalish mage like her. Why did she have to become so stupidly fixated on him after one meeting? There was so much else to worry about…

“Rough day?” It was Varric, the dwarf who had also joined the inquisition as a prisoner.

Rhiannon shook her head, snapping out of her trance and almost falling off the ledge she was sitting on in the process. “Yes, I was just, uh, thinking of all this Inquisition stuff.”

Varric appeared unconvinced by Rhiannon’s stumbling over her words.

“You’re blushing like a maiden,” he commented. “Are you sure it’s just inquisition stuff?”

Rhiannon turned even more red. “I, uh, what else could it be? Is the inquisition not enough for me to think about?”

Varric shrugged. “Well normally I would say it’s more than enough but judging by the way you’re stumbling over your words and the colour of your face, I’m not so sure that’s why you’re staring off into the distance.”

“Well what else could I be thinking about?” Rhiannon asked, defensively. A desperate last attempt to hide her feelings.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were thinking about something or someone scandalous,” Varric said.

Damn, he was observant. There was no hiding it. In her exhaustion, she was clearly terrible at concealing her feelings.

“Well, this is embarrassing, can you promise you won’t tell anyone?” Rhiannon asked, lowering her voice.

“I’ve been known to keep things secret for people before,” Varric said. “So I guess I could do it for the Herald of Andraste.”

She hated when people called her that.

Rhiannon sighed. “Well… I think I’ve caught feelings for someone at the worst possible time.”

Varric just laughed. “Well shit, you sure did pick a terrible time to develop a crush. Is this someone from home you’re missing or…”

Rhiannon shook her head.

“Someone here?” Varric asked. “Well for maker’s sake just go talk to them. You’re the Herald of Andraste whether you like it or not Rosy, everyone here is dying to talk to you.”

Rhiannon looked at him confused. “My name’s not…”

“I know,” Varric said, walking away. “Just go talk to them.”

Varric was right. She should just go talk to Cullen. What harm would it do? She should be getting to know the people she was going to be working with, right?

She made her way out to the courtyard where the Inquisition’s soldiers were training. As she approached, she could hear Cullen ordering his recruits.

“You there, there’s a shield in your hand block with it!” the Commander exclaimed. “If this man were your enemy, you’d be dead.”

Rhiannon jumped a little at hearing his voice, the butterflies she had felt the first time she saw him were coming back.

He turned to his lieutenant. “Lieutenant don’t hold back, these recruits must prepare for a real fight, not a practice one.”

As the lieutenant walked away, Rhiannon approached the Commander. She could feel her heart speeding up and her stomach becoming slightly queasy as she got closer. She was about to turn back but almost right away, Cullen noticed her presence.

“We’ve received a number of recruits, locals from Haven and some pilgrims,” he explained, getting right to business. “None made quite the entrance you did.”

Rhiannon felt her heart skip a beat. “At least I got everyone’s attention,” she said, jokingly, or did that sound conceited? She knew she had a tendency to deal with nervous situations with jokes, but sometimes the delivery really didn’t land.

“That you did,” Cullen responded, with a slight chuckle. “I was recruited to the inquisition in Kirkwall myself, I was there during the mage uprising – I saw firsthand the devastation it caused.”

They began to walk through the courtyard, Cullen having to dodge officers trying to get his attention.

“Cassandra sought a solution. When she offered me a position, I left the Templars to join her cause. Now it seems we face something far worse.”

Maybe this would be as simple as Varric had said. Cullen seemed all too eager to talk to her.

“It’s all a mess, isn’t it,” Rhiannon commented, as though she wasn’t stating the obvious.

Cullen turned to her. “Which is why you’re needed.”

Once again Rhiannon felt her stomach turn a bit. Did he think she was special? No, he was just saying what everyone else was saying about her.

“W-why me?” she stammered.

“You’ve brought hope,” he said. “Whatever that mark on your hand is, it closed that rift. People noticed.”

Rhiannon began to blush. “You noticed…people noticed…me?”

“Of course,” Cullen said. “You’re hard not to…you made it hard not to notice you.”

He began to rub the back of his neck, his eyes darting upward, looking somewhat uncomfortable.

_ Shit,  _ Rhiannon thought.  _ I’ve made it weird. _

She smiled up at him, trying to salvage the moment.

Cullen looked back at Rhiannon, bringing his arm back down, clearing his throat.

“The Chantry lost control of both Templars and mages. Now they argue over a new divine while the breach remains. The inquisition could act when the Chantry could not. Our followers would be part of that. There’s so much we could…” he stopped himself. “Forgive me. I doubt you came here for a lecture.”

Rhiannon found herself almost disappointed that he had stopped. She felt as though she could listen to him talk for hours. It took the pressure off her to decide what to say next.

“No, but if you have one prepared, I’d love to hear it.” As soon as she said it, she wanted to hit herself. It sounded so dumb. There was no way that sounded like something a normal person would say.

Cullen just laughed. “Another time, perhaps.”

She smiled but deep down she had this sinking feeling that she had just blown it. After how awkward she’d just been there was no way he’d ever talk to her again.

There was a slight awkward silence between the two of them.

Cullen cleared his throat. “I uh.. there’s still a lot of work ahead.”

Before the conversation could continue, a soldier came up to Cullen holding a report.

“Commander, Ser Rylen has a report on our supply lines.”

Cullen turned to look at the report, then quickly looked back at Rhiannon. “As I was saying.”

As he walked away, Rhiannon felt her heart sink. She had just blown a golden opportunity by making everything awkward. She should have known it was a terrible idea to try anything with Cullen. He was out of her league, and that had just been proven. She slowly made her way back into the fortress, trying to forget that conversation.

Cassandra stopped her as she was about to go through the gates.

“I left what possessions you had at the conclave in your cabin in the chest,” Cassandra told her.

Rhiannon broke from her trance to acknowledge her. “Thank you,” she said, before continuing toward the cabin.

She immediately went over to the chest and began to rummage through it. There were a few items of clothing, her water skein, her backpack, bedroll. She began to search more frantically. It had to be there, she couldn’t have lost it…. Rhiannon breathed a sigh of relief as she pulled out a large black book with gold symbols embossed on its cover. Her Book of Shadows, it contained all of her magic study, including the star charts she had so meticulously compiled, along with every spell she had ever known. To lose that would have been devastating.

She gently set it down next to her bed and began to pick up the items scattered around her, folding and collecting them all in a neat little pile. At least she hadn’t lost absolutely everything, at least she still had her magic study.

She wandered over to her bed and sighed as she lay down, relaxing for the first time since she had woken up there that morning. It still felt surreal. She half expected to wake up back at Clan Lavellan’s camp only to find out that this was all a dream. But deep down, she knew that this was all real, no matter how strange, it had that distinctive feeling of reality, different from the feeling of being in the beyond in dreams.

The Inquisition was going to be her life now, at least for a while. She rubbed at the mark on her wrist, green and glowing. The pain seemed to have subsided, at least for now but her fear of it and what it might mean remained.

She still couldn’t get Commander Cullen out of her mind. Her heart began to beat faster as she thought of their conversation. She couldn’t stop running every word that was said in her mind over and over again.  _ “No, but if you have one prepared, I’d love to hear it.”  _ She cringed as she was reminded of those words. And why had she asked if he noticed her. Sure, she’d walked it back but the words had left her mouth. There was no way he’d missed that. She shook her head, laughing to herself. Of all the things that were going awry, her heart just had to find a way to complicate things even further.


	2. Let's Play 20 Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhiannon tries to talk to Cullen again and uncovers some potential obstacles.

Rhiannon was winding down after another long day of handling inquisition business by having a drink in the tavern. It was a custom that she was not used to but she was coming to rather like it. The ale was a bit of an acquired taste but it was growing on her. It wasn’t long until Varric came to join her.

“So, Rosy, how’s that mystery crush of yours going?” he asked, coming to sit across from her. “Still pining or have you two eloped without anyone knowing?”

Rhiannon sighed. She’d been doing her best to forget about that conversation with Cullen and how she’d made a fool of herself.

“I tried talking to him,” she said, defeated. “That didn’t work. All I did was make an idiot of myself and he hasn’t talked to me since. I was stupid for thinking I even had a chance.”

Varric laughed. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing, Rosy. You talked to him once, while you were exhausted and you think he hates you because maybe you stumbled over your words a bit? How bad could it have been? You didn’t start stripping down to your small clothes for him, did you?”

Rhiannon shook her head, smiling slightly. “No, nothing like that. I just said some things that, looking back on it sounded like…like something no one says.”

Varric sighed. “It’s never as bad as you think it is. These things take time. If all it took was one conversation, my romance serials would all be one page long. Go talk to him again, get to know him, see if you have anything in common.”

He was right. Dammit he was too right.

“Fine, I’ll give it another go. I’ll probably mess this one up but what do I have to lose?”

She took a big swig of her ale, finishing it up. “I’ll just do it. I’ll talk to him, see where it goes and if I mess it up, well, I tried.”

“That’s the spirit,” Varric said, encouragingly. “Go, before you start overthinking it again.”

Rhiannon stood up, quickly pulled herself together and scampered off to go see Cullen in the courtyard.

As she left, Varric slowly turned around and quietly trailed behind her, keeping his distance. He was getting curious as to who this mystery man on the Herald’s mind was. He watched as she made her way out into the courtyard and approached Commander Cullen.

He shook his head and just laughed. “Shit, Rosy, what have you gotten yourself into,” he said quietly to himself as he turned to walk back to the tavern.

\--

Rhiannon strode toward Cullen who was standing in his usual spot in the courtyard, observing his troops. She thought she caught him smiling as he noticed her walking toward him.

“Was there something you needed, my Lady?” he asked, coming to meet her.

The nerves began to build up in her again when he spoke. His voice was enough to make her swoon.

“I..uh..no,” she stammered, “I was just coming to…uh…say hello. It’s been awhile since we talked.”

“That it has,” Cullen said. “I trust your trip to the Hinterlands went well.”

“Too many bears,” Rhiannon said.

_ Because that was the highlight of the Hinterlands, _ she thought, berating herself once again for stating the obvious.

Cullen laughed. “Welcome to Ferelden,” he said, with a chuckle.

Rhiannon smiled, awkwardly, unsure what to say next. There was so much she wanted to ask him but it was hard to get anything out. So she stood there, standing next to him, looking out over the snow covered grounds of Haven.

There was one thing that was still gnawing at her, Cullen’s Templar background. She still wasn’t sure how Cullen felt about mages, about the Chantry, about her. She had to find a way to ask, but it was a hard thing to find out in a subtle way.

“So, what’s being a Templar like?” she asked, starting off non-confrontational.

“If you’d like more insight into what the order is like now, I’m afraid I can’t offer more than you already know,” he explained. “Anything else I will answer as best I can.”

“I meant, what was it like…for you?” she asked, awkwardly.

“Well, there’s weapon and combat training. Even without the lyrium, Templars are among the best warriors in Thedas,” Cullen explained, formally. “Initiates must also memorize portions of the chant of light, study history, and improve their mental focus.

“I was more interested in whether you enjoyed it,” Rhiannon replied.

“I wanted to learn everything,” Cullen said. “If I was giving my life to this, I would be the best Templar I could.”

“You were a teacher’s pet?” Rhiannon teased.

She could feel herself starting to become more comfortable with him.

“You joke but I would have sought that title at the time,” Cullen chuckled. “I wasn’t always successful. Watching a candle burn down while reciting the chant of transfiguration wasn’t the most exciting task.”

“The watching a candle part doesn’t sound so bad,” Rhiannon mused. “Candles are nice.”

_ Candles are nice? Who says that? _

Cullen laughed, awkwardly. “I admit, my mind sometimes wandered.”

“So why did you join if it involved something so dull as reciting religious texts?” Rhiannon inquired.

“I could think of no better calling than to help those in need,” he explained. “I used to beg the local Templars at our local Chantry to teach me. At first, they merely humoured me but I must have shown some promise or at least a willingness to learn. The Knight Captain spoke to my parents on my behalf and they agreed to send me for training. I was thirteen when I left home.”

“That’s awfully young,” Rhiannon commented. Though she had been training to be the keeper for a good chunk of her life as well. By thirteen she had solidified her place as the Keeper’s first, being the clan’s only mage. Still, it seemed so young to make a commitment to joining a religious order, potentially for the rest of your life.

“I wasn’t the youngest there,” Cullen said. “I was actually on the older side, some are promised to the order at infancy. Still, I didn’t take on full responsibilities until I was 18. I was trained and educated first.”

Cullen’s description of the Templars and his motivation for joining seemed so foreign to Rhiannon. She didn’t know much about the order, but what she had heard was nothing good. It was as though the order she knew of and the one that Cullen described were two different organizations altogether. It seemed that he had joined for the right reasons and had gained a lot from his time there. It was still all so new and strange.

“You said you wanted to help those in need,” Rhiannon commented. “I was always told to avoid Templars. I grew up hearing whispers of mages from other clans disappearing after run ins with them. We never really saw them as helpful. They must do more than hunt mages.”

_ Maybe that was a bit harsh _ , she thought. Her heart began to speed up as she realized how it sounded.

Cullen began to look uncomfortable, nervous almost. “Well, it’s not just about searching out apostates. In fact, most Templars do other things. I..I never went out hunting for mages, at least not without cause. And I’m no longer with the order so I’m not going to kidnap you in the middle of the night if you’re worried.”

“I wasn’t suggesting that you would do that,” Rhiannon said, hurriedly, trying to walk back what she had said. “I didn’t mean to imply that I didn’t like you or anything.”

Cullen seemed so nice. Not like the type of person who would kidnap a mage in the middle of the night. It was kind of hard for Rhiannon to picture him as a Templar at all.

“What do you think of mages? Are they all a threat?” Rhiannon asked, somewhat scared to hear the answer.

Cullen paused before answering. “I’ve seen the suffering magic can inflict, I’ve treated mages with distrust because of it, at times without cause,” he explained. “That was unworthy of me. I will try not to do so here.”

Rhiannon was relieved to hear him say that.

“Not that I want mages moving through our base completely unchecked,” he continued, though he seemed to notice that this comment caused Rhiannon to tense up again. “We need safeguards in place to protect people, including mages, from possession at least.”

Rhiannon felt herself relax a little once again. He didn’t hate mages after all. He just wanted to protect people, to help them. That sounded decent enough. In fact, it wasn’t all that different from her own motivations. Protecting others was why she had joined the Inquisition, and why she had looked forward to being her clan’s keeper before that.

“What about me?” she asked. “Do you think I’m a threat?”

“You…I don’t…you haven’t given me a reason not to trust you,” Cullen commented. “But I do worry that you could be a target for those who would see the Inquisition fall.”

A look of concern formed on Rhiannon’s face.

“I don’t mean that you’re the type to fall prey to possession,” Cullen said, correcting himself. “You’re just…you’ve become a symbol for the people here so if someone wanted to harm the Inquisition, they’d want to harm you. I don’t want that to happen. That’s what I meant.”

That was somewhat reassuring. It was almost comforting and endearing how he wanted to protect her. Or was she reading into things too much again?

All this talk of possession was making Rhiannon start to feel queasy, as if she didn’t feel that enough when she was around Cullen.

He seemed to notice that she was a little uncomfortable as he fell silent, doing that thing where he would rub the back of his neck, showing his own discomfort with the situation.

“Do Templars take vows?” Rhiannon asked, trying to change the subject, at least a little bit. “ ‘I swear to the maker to watch all the mages’, that sort of thing?”

“There’s a vigil first,” Cullen explained. “You’re meant to be at peace during that time but your life is about to change. When it’s over you give yourself to a life of service. That’s when you’re given a philter, your first draught of lyrium, and it’s power. As Templars we are not to seek wealth or acknowledgement. Our lives belong to the maker and the path we have chosen.”

It sounded like those vows she had heard that clerics in the chantry took. Did it mean he was definitely out of her league, or out of anyone’s league for that matter? How did she even ask that?

Before she could think, she blurted out, “are Templars also expected to give up…physical temptations.” As she said it, she realized how bad that sounded. If she had any cover left, it had to be blown by now.

Cullen went a little bit red. “Physical…why? Why would you…” He seemed lost for words but continued anyway. “That’s not expected. Templars can marry, although there are rules about it, and the order must grant permission. Some may choose to give up more to prove their devotion but it’s, um, not required.”

Rhiannon realized that she just made things exceedingly awkward. Yet somehow, she couldn’t stop herself. “Have you?”

Cullen became more red. “Me? I um...no. I’ve never taken such vows” He seemed very uncomfortable and Rhiannon was not sure how to interpret it.

“Maker’s breath, can we speak of something else?” Cullen stammered.

At this point, Rhiannon was just amazed that he still wanted to speak to her. “Tell me about where you’re from,” she said, trying to pivot while she still could.

As Cullen started to tell her about his home in Ferelden, Rhiannon could not stop thinking about what she had asked him with regard to his vows. Why had she done that? Why couldn’t she stop herself? She was barely focused on what he was saying. She couldn’t stop running the conversation in her head over and over again, and all the embarrassing things she had said.

There was no way that he actually wanted to talk to her still. He had to be just humouring her and being polite at this point. It would be a miracle if he actually liked her back.


End file.
